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CARL DIXON'S DARING ESCAPE FROM A MELBOURNE HOSPITAL HAS STAFF SCRATCHING HEADS
 

Wednesday August 13, 2008


ESCAPE FROM MELBOURNE - (CD wire service) Canadian rocker Carl Dixon has been reported escaped from Epworth hospital in Melbourne, Australia following a 4-month stay in that country’s health system. “He’s just cleared out his stuff and gone” said ward spokesperson Luke Peyton. ”We know he was becoming increasingly agitated and chafing at his restrictions”. Nursing staffers Ellamae, Lynn and Maria-Cecelia, who all refused to divulge their last names, agreed that while Dixon could be a handful at times, the candy and chocolate stash in his room more than made up for it.

Supervising physician Dr. Michael Ponsford is taking the news hard, according to his staff. “We had just planned out a weekly concert series in the ward to feature Carl” reports managing nurse Jackie. “Matching dance lessons in which the Doctor was going to instruct us were set to go. This is a blow, I'm sure.”

As to the elusive rockers whereabouts, nobody has firm knowledge. However, according to nurse Megan, “I’ll wager that silly bugger’s taken off for home back in Canada; he wouldn’t shut up about it”.

The Epworth Transport drivers Dion and Rod, who would normally take Dixon to Melbourne region appointments, would neither confirm nor deny having played a role in Dixon’s escape. One of them was heard to growl “If I had helped him, I wouldn’t be tellin’ you”.

A check of the departures from Melbourne Airport reveals that a passenger Dixon did fly out Aug. 12 via Air New Zealand, but no other information is being made available at this time.

The last word comes from Mr. Dixon himself, who left a note on his hospital bed with the cryptic title “ Stitches and Sutures and Staples”:

“I woke up one day in a peculiar situation, my love smiling down like an angel over me

She said you’re hurt, you’re in a hospital. No, no don’t try to get up
You’ve been asleep for nine days now ‘cause you’re a mess of injuries
Thank God the worst is over, don’t know how you survived

You’ve got to do exactly as you’re told now for us to bring you back to life
With all your Stitches and sutures and staples
No time now for all your wishes and futures and fables
Give in to your Stitches and sutures and staples
And dream on.


PS EPWORTH YOU ROCK!


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